Let's face it, teething sucks. Every parent knows this. If adults had to go through the teething process, I doubt we'd be able to make through without the use of narcotics. Even when I had my wisdom teeth removed at 18, I got Vicodin after having dry sockets. And that was unbearable. I mean, nothing compared to child birth and the after birth, but still- I was 18 and popping babies out of my hoo-hah was not even a thought in my mind.
So- let's get back to teething. We're talking Molars here. The most useful set of teeth any steak-lover will have. And it's currently turning my sweet little angel into the Anti-Christ. I'm serious. Blood curdling screams, heart wrenching sobs and head spinning as he projectile vomits everywhere while spewing out curse words in Latin. Ok, maybe not those last parts. But it's been rough. Last night, he was up
E V E R Y S I N G L E
hour. And now, my boys have really never been great sleepers, but when you go from having 7 blissful weeks of 12-hour sleep sessions at night to being up every 2-3 hours (and then every hour last night)... ROUGH doesn't even cover it. I was a complete mombie by the time I dragged my sorry ass back into my own bed at 4:15 am. I was beat and my husband had the audacity to snore. Not even a quiet snore either (if there's even such a thing). It was the triple snore: started out sort of nasally with his mouth slightly open with a WHOOSH-ing sound, progressing into the nasal cavity with more of a typical snore sound and finally turning into the full fledged mouth and nose snore that is so scary, it literally startled him awake mid snore. Yes, that's the man I love, ladies. Sorry, he's off the market. And what's better is having that little display going on in my right ear up until he had to get ready for work (5 something). True. Love.
I honestly don't remember him leaving or Sheppy scratching at my door to be let back into our room after my husband left, but guess what I DO remember? That damned dog barging into the baby's room and waking him up at 5:45 am. Shit. I was just starting to dream a little too! And it was good! So now I've got baby-zilla crying and banging on my door along with the dog. I grabbed them both and gave my dog "the death stare" (because really, how else is she supposed to know I'm super pissed off- it's almost 6am and I can't even form a sentence without caffeine) before dragging them both into bed with me. I swear, the SECOND Gray's eyes started to close (6:02am- but who was keeping track), I hear the worst possible sound any mother could ever hear: her other child's door open... *cue the dramatic music, please*
I gave up on sleeping.
He was hungry and now the baby was all smiles and giggles because his older brother wanted to play with him. Oh Lordy and when they both smile at me, I swear, I melt. It's awful and I really feel sorry for the female population that'll be surrounding them both in 10-15 years (please let it be 15-20 actually)... After the healthiest breakfast I could scramble together without coffee (French toast sticks and chocolate milk: the breakfast of champions), Gray was ready to go back to sleep. It was 7:15. We have preschool orientation at 9. Yes, I let him sleep and MIGHT have gone back to sleep myself and MIGHT have pushed the snooze button 7xs and MIGHT have skipped a shower and used dry shampoo and body spray and MIGHT have been super late to preschool orientation. Hypothetical situation of course.
Turns out, I arrived in the last 10 minutes of orientation so I didn't miss much and the teachers were all awesome. Score!
The gym, um, not so lucky.
Have you ever had that feeling that your child was going to go bat-shit-crazy in the day care room? Well, if you have that kind of intuition, can you please give it to me? Both boys were spectacular when I dropped them off and so I figured my quick 30-minutes of hell (I mean Core-Barre class) would be a piece of cake and then I could pretend to run for 5 minutes after that before picking them up and we'd all skip back to the car with smiles on our faces as butterflies fluttered around us. Well, none of that happened. Hell happened, of course, but i didn't get to make it through the cool-down. I heard an awful scream and cries and I turned to my workout buddy (and awesome neighbor/friend) and said, "oh great. I think that was Gray"... And you know what, my super-sonic hearing was correct. I mean, the poor guy had tears streaming down his reddened face and the saddest little pouty lip I have ever seen. For real, it was quivering and he was making these sad little sobs as if to say, "mom- I cannot believe you left me in that room while you tried to go and get your body bikini-ready. You are awful and I'm going to get you back for this starting right now". And you know what, he did. I became "that mom" with "that child" as his sobs turned more into death screams and everyone at the gym was either old or men and you know those people have no sympathy. It didn't matter at the time bc I was really only concerned with grabbing my socks and shoes and high tailing it back to my house. Oh yeah, and grabbing Jman from the child care room too. Let's not forget that...
The ride home was long. Full of tears from Gray. Full of pointless questions from Jman ("mom, did you see that police car over there? Why is it over there?"... Really, child? I'm more concerned with tuning out your screaming brother at the moment). I will never go anywhere again without Gray's binky. Ugh.
We get home and IMMEDIATELY I grab Gray and pop his binky back in his mouth. I walked straight to his room and put him to bed. No fussing from him- I'm guessing crying wore him out. It wore me out too. I gave J the iPad to watch Netflix/ABC mouse on along with some snacks and a drink. (It's amazing to have a 4-yr old that is content with watching the iPad so I can nap... I know you're judging me. I'm OK with that. He won't nap anymore and this is his quiet time. Judge away my friends and I promise I won't pass judgement on you for doing the same) Ahem, so, I lay down in bed, close my eyes and start to drift off when
BOOM! CRASH! BANG! SCREAMS!!
In my delirious state, I thought it was Gray. My heart was racing- thinking, "oh dear god, I don't want to go back to the ER again so please don't let me see blood"... and I was super shocked to meet Jman in the hallway. You see, he had started to doze and banged his head on the corner of his book case... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME, GOD?! REALLY???? A little tiny cut which required an ice pack and kisses (he wanted a bandaid but it was on his hairline so I said no... Band aids are a big deal around here so tears began to fall again)
The loud screams, of course, woke up Gray. So now I have TWO screaming children. I thought about joining them, but what good would it do any of us for me to start crying too. So I made lunch. And we all watched Paw Patrol. And I tried to erase any and all plans I had for the day... Just in case. We all finally got a nap in, but I'm telling ya, the teething-terror was still alive and kicking. I decided to call in reinforcements: my friends (who also happen to be neighbors & have children the same ages as mine).
The night before I decided to see if I could go without caffeine for one day. After the events from earlier, I had a DDrP and two cups of coffee. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow? Probably not. We start soccer tomorrow and I'm going to need the caffeine to function. Maybe Sunday? Yes, Sunday sounds better...
So the boys got out their energy and I got part of my sanity back. It is always nice to be able to talk to other moms (as opposed to a wall, which is seriously better than nothing I guess) and hear how it's not just me having these bad days instead of what people usually put on Facebook about having the best kids and husband the world could ever ask for. I want to know what drugs they are taking. Don't get me wrong, not all days are bad. Honestly, they are usually super fun. Tiring, but fun. It also helps that my boys are hilarious and cute and really make my life worth living.
That being said, I'm also super happy they are in bed. Now I can pick up the house, fold laundry and clean the bathroom! Aw hell, who am I kidding? After I post this, I'm going to pretend to clean up a bit, take some Tylenol PM for all my muscle aches and sit and read a trashy novel. It IS a Friday night after all. I hope you all enjoy your evening and wish my big kid luck tomorrow as he tries to impress his potential soccer coach ;) good night!
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