DIY: Burlap Wreath- Tutorial

Burlap Wreath (method 2)

If you follow my FB page (MOOSEink), then you saw another wreath I made. If not, here's a picture (sorry, but I'm not using my Canon, just the iPhone so the colors are not amazing... Nor the quality. Don't judge) 

This wreath used a similar method to the one I made tonight. Once I find the link to the blog I used, I will insert it here. 

Ok, onto the tutorial. 

HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL NEED:

•18" wire wreath ($5 @Michael's)

•10yd burlap ($7 @Michael's unless you buy on sale... Which I did!! Woo-hoo for $2.50!!)

•7-10yd deco mesh (I had a coupon but I think it was $5 @Michael's)

•5-10yd ribbon (I used some left over fabric I bought to make a scarf)

• roll of twine/thin ribbon/yarn -or- 18 pipe cleaners

In this tutorial, I used yarn bc I ran out of pipe cleaners and I was SOOOO not going back to Michael's. But Becca, how did you run out of pipe cleaners? Didn't you buy a bag that had roughly 100? Yes, yes I did. As a matter of fact, they were all present and accounted for before I ran to Michael's this morning and left the boys with my very capable husband. Somehow, in a 2 hour time span, I went from having a little over 80 pipe cleaners, down to 4. Where are the others? Hmmm, good question. They are probably hanging out with my missing hair dryer attachment and remotes. I will find them in 18-months when we move. Until then, I'm McGuyver-ing it with yarn. 

Sooooo, if you're like me and have a ton of yarn just laying around and want to use that... Go for it. If you're using yarn, cut 36 pieces. If you're using pipe cleaners, get out 18. Yarn in bold; pipe cleaners in Italics. 

Yarn: 2 strands at a time, double knot the yarn to the inside of the wire wreath, making sure there is equal length on both sides. 1 per section. Do the same for the outside. 

PC: Loop PC through wreath, making sure there is equal length on both sides. Twist once. Start with inside. 1 per section. Do the same for the outside. 

And that just screams to my boys, "YOU MUST TOUCH ME NOW AND SWING ME AROUND UNTIL YOU HURT ONE ANOTHER AND DRIVE YOUR MOTHER INSANE!!" So, I waited til they went to bed. Apologies. 

Next: Start in the innermost wire: take your burlap and tie it with a double knot -or- twist once 

Add the deco mesh, using the same technique. 

Fantastic. Now, grab about a hand's length down from where you attached your initial piece of mesh/burlap and tie it or twist it together on the next section. 

If you are using the yarn, it'll feel loose. If you are using PC, you won't have to work as hard to make it secure. Continue this process all the way around the innermost wire and then attach your mesh/burlap to the outermost wire. 

Starting to see it coming together? Keep it up! Using the same process as the inner circle, attach the mesh/burlap to the outer circle. 

You will have some left over. A lot, actually. If you are like me and hate to waste any fabric, ever, continue on. If you don't mind wasting, the you can stop and move on to the ribbon part. 

All others, here you go. 

Using the same technique, make the mesh/burlap go in between the two circles and attach using BOTH yarn strands -or- PC from the outermost and innermost parts of the wreath. 

It's a freaking CRAZY concept, but i'm telling yeah try it. Continue through the middle circle and tie off at the end.

Looks good doesn't it? Now flip it over and tie the strings together or twist the PC around.

Now you can stop or you can add ribbon. I had leftover fabric and decided to try using that. I did not like how the strings left very noticeable areas on the wreath (even after I fluffed it), so I used my fabric to hide the visible string. Turn your wreath so the right side is facing you...I weaved the fabric over the string and then under it for each section, making sure I kept my fabric in the middle circle. I ended up having to cut two strips of fabric and tie them onto the wreath. You can do that or you can use hot glue. Or you can be really crazy and do both. 

Go all the way around the wreath and then tie off OR make a bow. I opted for a bow, but I might end up stitching together my fabric with my left over deco mesh to make the bow stand out a bit more. Who knows. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, yes. That is probably what I'm going to do.  

And there you have it. Fluff out each portion to make it appear bigger. Add cute things to it too- just know, that's typically where these things get expensive... And if you can see through your wreath in some areas, don't worry, no one is going to notice the wire from the street. Go pour yourself a glass of wine and have your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or whomever witness your awesomeness. For real, you deserve a pat on the back. 

If you make a wreath using this technique, please, leave a picture on my FB page!! I want to see them all!!

A Thanksgiving of Status Updates

Our Thanksgiving was awesome! Don't get me wrong, I missed our crazy families, but not having to get dressed, clean or travel anywhere was simply fantistic. I knew it would be. As usual, there wasn't a dull moment in our house. Since I don't want to bore you with back stories of every single thing, I figured I'd do this Facebook/Twitter-style and limit myself to just a couple sentences. 

1) nothing like having the boys let you sleep in until 8am to really make you feel old. Seriously, I have this nagging feeling that I've wasted half the day! #forcedtobeanearlybird #iamofficiallyold

2) made waffles for breakfast. They were delicious. The baby would know this too if he would eat a little more than just the whipped cream. #babyisafatkid #hismomcanCOOK!

3) ah, thanksgiving. A holiday where you are supposed to be thankful for what you have. Instead, my boys are spending it fighting over a $2 toy made from a yard stick. #bros4life #thanksgiving

4) been slaving away making a million and one casseroles while my husband is on his laptop. The boys are running around him, screaming. And in go my headphones.  #hecantmakesides #helikesmeat

5) so I'm watching my friend's house/dogs for her while she is away. This means I can wear whatever I want over to her house bc she's not there. So I wear my pjs (gray long johns, a Mizzou shirt and black crocs) with my favorite apron on top ("I gossip better than I cook" it's funny, you can laugh). Sadly, other people had to see me run over to her house wearing this. And to my neighbors, I'm sorry. #desperatehousewivesofAL #mastercheftakesnobreaks  

6) finally sit on the couch to catch my breath and Steve asks me to help clean the dishes...in that tone...  #notinyourlife #IfMamaAintHappyAintNoOneHappy #YouBetterBelieveTHAT #nopicture #noonewantstoseethat

7) my first attempt at making a cheese cake went about as well as I expected. Butter dripped out of the cake pan, into the oven and I almost burned the house down. There was smoke E V E R Y W H E R E. We opened every window and blew fans at every entrance and just as I was starting to go over what I was going to tell the firefighters when they arrived, the smoke cleared and Steve and I could breath again. Luckily, the boys are still short and didn't have to deal with the smoke. #blondmoment #whenovensattack #smokeout

8) we made a TON of food. It was all delicious. Like REALLY REALLY delicious. I was almost sad we had no family here to share it with. Good news: this meant that my picky eaters had at least one thing on their plate they would eat. Also, everything can freeze (except the salad...but I made 1/4 the normal amount and it'll be gone in about 36 hours). Once I post all the recipes, I'll put up links here as well. #mamasabaker #nofamilyhere #innerfatkidcomesouttonight

9) both boys went to bed early so I made a wreath. I'm probably going to pat myself on the back for it too for at LEAST 2 more days. #artattack #momarted #openthewindow

10) bought all my presents online so I don't need to go Black Friday shopping!!! I was going to go to Michael's, but I decided I didn't want to put normal clothes on... Or a bra... Well, my undershirt has built-in support and let's face it, big mama isn't actually so big. So I think that counts as wearing a bra. #suckitTribeck #hangingfree #thisIsMyHappyPlace

11) put up ELMO. Jman has already told me I'm lying bc ELMO wasn't in his Elf on the Shelf book... But Elmo brought candy so we'll see who has the last laugh. #itsgonnabeme #n*syncforever #mwahahahaha

12) going to bed knowing I'm making monkey bread for breakfast. Crap. All that food has stretched my stomach and I'm already salivating!! Goodnight and stay safe if you're Black Friday Shopping!!! #tistheseason #BsBeCrazyYo #BlackFridayIsTheDevil #notreally #GrabThemDeals

 

Elmo on the Shelf

Day 1 of no Facebook was actually stressful. It was weird. I had anxiety (I'm not ashamed to admit) like, "what the hell is going on with my friend's lives?!" 

Or something funny would happen and I wanted to post it right then and there... Then remembered I gave up FB for awhile. I'm telling you, it's like being angry at your best friend, then having something eventful happen to just moments later and you end up getting pissed at yourself bc you want to tell your best friend, then can't bc you're in a fight. I'm sure it'll get easier as the days go by, but I feel a little like a recovering addict (ok, it's not the same thing at all, but I've never been addicted to anything other than Oreos and Caffeine so cut me some slack). 

For instance, I went to the gym today (if you are my FB friend, you'll remember how the chicken nugget incident with Jman last week and my vow to work out every day...) and for realz, my kid DOES NOT STOP TALKING. Ever. A lot of his questions are relevant to the current conversation, but then he throws those curve balls and you think, "my gosh, how did his little brain come up with THAT question?!" I used to listen to Pandora in an effort to have a little peace and quiet while we drive, but no, it had to stop. One can only listen to Toddler Radio on Pandora for so long before one snaps. It's true. 

So today, our conversation consisted of Elmo on the Shelf. I tried the typical Elf on the Shelf, but, alas, J was afraid to even walk by it. So it had to go. Luckily, this happened at my dad/step mom's house so I didn't have to find a way to return it to the store after I told him it was magical. Lol. So anyways, we decided ELMO on the shelf was a safer bet. Now, here's the thing about Elmo, he just does not like to make messes. He knows that I have to clean up 99.99% of the messes in our house and he just wants to go easy on me. So every night Elmo goes back to SANTA and tells him if my boys were good or bad. The next morning, Elmo hides and waits to be found by the boys. If they were good the night before, they each get a piece of candy before breakfast. If they were bad, they get nothing. (Mwahahahahahahahah) Anyways, so we're in the car and J wants to know why Elmo is reporting to Santa and not the elves. I told him all the Elves are super busy making the toys for Christmas so SANTA hired Elmo to do this for him. He thinks about it and asks a TON of questions: well, how does Elmo get to Santa's house? Teleportation.  What is teleportation? Going from one place to another without having to drive, walk or fly. Your body gets blown into a billion pieces and then gets put back together at the new place you want to go.  *crying ensues bc he doesn't want to get blown up* When are we seeing Santa? After Thanksgiving. Well, you bet your bottom I'll be asking if all of this is true.

Shit. 

Well, guess I better hope he is so "in awe" of the big guy that he forgets and I'm off the hook... Or let's hope the Santa we see is amazing at rolling with it and goes along with my story... 

Ah, in other news, the baby is talking more and every time he says something to me, he likes me to repeat it. If I'm correct in guessing what he's saying, he'll give a great big chuckle. And damn it if it isn't the cutest thing I've ever heard. We read his favorite book tonight (it's a Farm book that has everything about a farm illustrated. Cool book.) normally, G turns straight to the food section and we spend the whole time going over what each food item is multiple times. Then, he usually realizes this has made him hungry and he needs a 2nd dessert. So I'll get him some crackers and he goes to bed. Well tonight, he just wanted the animal sounds page. I video taped it and sent it to my family. They had to see it. I would say an animal sound and he would repeat it. Not just that, but if I shook my head or did something I don't realize I'm doing, he would copy that too. Ah, Geesh. He's. Little shit, but when he does cute things like that, I forget all about how he drew on the wall with my charcoal pencil, or stuffed mashed cauliflower up his nose/on his hair/in his ear, threw numerous tantrums for only God knows what and slapped the dog (yes, he was out in time out a lot again today). And now, that little guy is out cold and looking so peaceful I can't help but love him. Alright, his slate has just been wiped clean. Hahahah. 

On that note, I'm going to get off here and try to ninja my way out of his room before he wakes up. I just put a new door-handle lock on his door so if I am able to get out without having to text Steve to come open the door, I'm grabbing a White Chocolate Covered Oreo (they just came out with them this month and I have ZERO self control... I believe j already mentioned that before...) and getting back to my drawings. Laundry can wait and so can cleaning my house. It'll get done once the holiday season is over. Ha! Who am I kidding, it'll get done the next time my In Laws or Step Mom come to visit me. 

Becca OUT!!

RIP Ferguson and Facebook... The blog must go on!

So, after being called a racist because I am white and apparently that's how "all whites are", I have decided to leave Facebook for a little bit. Sadly, I have a ton of opinions and rile easily. It's a curse I've inherited from my MotherInLaw. Hahahaha. However, my boys continue to be hilarious so I will be starting a series basically consisting of short stories that happen day-to-day. 

Being a woman, I love to talk. So I am happy people still want me to continue my blog! Thanks everyone!! Hopefully, I'll be able to update this so much that I won't need Facebook anymore!! I'll also be on Instagram, under the name of my art business, MOOSEink. I'll also be posting to MOOSEink's Facebook page with all of my art projects! Can I get a heck-yeah!?

Ok, enough of that...let's get to the cream filling. And I've got Mega Stuffed stories to tell y'all. 

This year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, from being stalked by a maintenance man to having so many weddings, we were back in STL at least once a month. So to say I'm happy NOT to be traveling home for the holidays, is an understatement. Imagine if you were told cookie dough had no calories... That's about how excited I am. And it's a good thing we're not traveling, bc my boys have been T E R R O R S. 

My day consisted of making verbal threats to my boys and having quite a bit of those threats result in "time out". *gasp* say it isn't so!?!?! Well, it is. I'm a fun-sucker, what can I say? I actually just got a basketball thrown at my face by the baby as I was typing. Little stinker is being a little terror. So, time out for the 5th time today. 

And I mean really, LOOK at that sweet face. He would never, EVER be a bad baby... Ha!

He doesn't understand the true meaning of Christmas yet (... You know the one where parents make empty threats about calling SANTA to tell him the kids were bad so NO PRESENTS this year... Yeah, I'll go into detail on that in just a minute) so the only thing that has been working is the dreaded TIME. OUT. <insert evil laughter and freaky music for effect> J, on the other hand, is 4 and believes so deeply that I only need to make a threat once and he behaves. Now, I DO realize presents are not the true meaning of Christmas, but I'm telling YA, after constantly telling them no! Sit down! Your brother is not a punching bag! DON'T give that to the dog! Stop rolling around on the floor! EAT. YOUR. FOOD. ... You kind of have to resort to trickery if you want to survive. 

Back to J-man:

We got the Toys -R- Us catalogue in the mail (fantastic marketing, by the way) and I decided it would be easier to look through it first, before giving it to J. It back fired. I wrote his letter on top of certain pages and he was only allowed to circle items from the pages with his letter on them. While I was busy patting myself on the back for my intelligence, he was busy circling away. He circled E V E R Y item. Then he went back and wrote his letter on other pages and circled those items too. THEN, he wanted the first letter of mine, my husband's and the baby's so he could circle items for us too. The whole darn book is useless now bc I can't read anything... Everything is circled!!

Smh. I have him a marker and he went all ape-$=!t crazy on me. In all honesty, it was hilarious bc this whole event was spread out over the course of a week. So he would probably go to school, hear one of his friends say something and come home and say he wanted it too. And his memory is amazing. To the point of it being annoying bc he recalls events in such clarity that when I try and beat around the bush on an answer to something, he'll say, "no no no! Remember THIS is what happened". And he's usually right. 

So the girls in his class have been talking about Barbies. (I loved Barbies. I let J play with MY Barbies when we were at my dad's house, but he used their poor bodies as drum sticks and weapons so his privileges were revoked.) Anytime a Barbie commercial comes on, without fail, J will say, "ewwww gross! Barbies! I hate Barbies"... That was until the Curl and Style Barbie (or whatever she is called) came on TV. You can curl her hair with a wand and rollers and then brush it straight again. Magic. 

He makes sure to say his normal line of awful things about Barbies, but for her, he tells me he is buying me that for Christmas. At first he said it was bc I needed a girl (thanks, mom. I know you put him up to it) but then changed his tune when I said I didn't need it. "But I need it!" AHA! Barbie truly is amazing!!

Hahahaha

So now I have to shop online for that damned Barbie bc I really don't want to go Black Friday Shopping... unless it's to Michael's. 

Happy Harvest Pumpkin Spice Mini-Cupcakes with Graham Cracker Crust and Pumpkin Spice Frosting

These mini cupcakes take a little time to make, but are sooooo worth it....

First, let me say that I made waaaaaaay too many and these little suckers are waaaaaaay too delicious to just eat one. THIS is my prime reason for working out as much as I do... So I can eat crap like this and not feel too guilty. Hell, I'd probably not feel guilty EVER for eating this dessert. It's THAT good. Sorry for not including a little story of our day, but I have the memory or Dory (sp?) and don't want to forget how I made these. (Yeah, I made it up... Lol if you want to, but I'm getting much better at baking so my confidence has sky-rocketed)

These mini-cupcakes are lined with a graham cracker crust. To make this, you'll need:

GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST: (oven at 300°)

7-8 CINNAMON graham crackers (go to Aldi's...it's $2 or less for a box)

6 Tbs unsalted butter: melted (I like challenger butter, but any unsalted butter will do)

1/4 cup sugar

My big helper is breaking apart the graham crackers in our food processor. Next, add the sugar. You'll turn on the food processor and mix the two ingredients together until it resembles sand. Slowly add the melted butter and pulse. 

It'll look and feel like brown sugar. 

You'll want to butter the bottoms of the cupcake tin (just use your finger or you can actually use the left over butter to wipe the bottoms. It doesn't need much). Then use a small spoon (as you can see, I'm using the toddler spoon, which works very well... So if you happen to HAVE a toddler spoon like this, go ahead and use it. Otherwise you're S.O.L.... Kidding, you'll be fine; use a tsp-size measuring spoon), scoop out a little of the mixture, place it in each of the tins and use the back of the spoon to push it into the bottom. You might want to also use your fingers--- nothing's worse than a crumbly crust!! Lol. (And don't toss out the extra... You'll use it for the topping)

Place in a preheated oven (300°) for 6 minutes. Remove, let cool. 

While that's baking, let's get to the cupcake...

PUMPKIN SPICE CUPCAKE: (oven at 350°)

1 box spice cake mix

3 eggs

1 can pumpkin purée 

1/4 cup water

I don't know why I always do this, but I do... I ALWAYS mix my wet ingredients together first. Actually, I do know why I do this--- bc I feel like it makes my cakes/muffins extra moist. So put the eggs in the bowl first and beat the hell out them. (I know you've got it in ya...) Then add the water and beat some more. Add in the pie filling and stir until it is very well blended. Now, here's where it gets a little crazy... Take your cake mix and shake it up. I'm serious. Shake it. (If you choose to add in some sweet dance moves of your own while doing this, more power to ya. I can dance; so I did, but y'all aren't ready to see me on my game yet. It'll happen though.) Add in the cake mix and blend until just moistened. There might be a couple of clumps and that's ok. Use a small spoon (not the toddler-sized spoon) and spoon mix on top of the graham cracker crust. (You do not need to spray the tins again... ) You'll want to fill these almost to the top- they will not spill over.

Bake at 350° for 10 min. (If you are making regular-sized cupcakes, add additional 5 minutes then check on them) When in doubt, use a toothpick to check it's done-ness (wow, super awesome words today). If it comes out with batter still on it, add another minute. *Remember, you can ALWAYS add time, but you can never take it away!!!

Let cool for about 5-10 minutes, then use a toothpick to pull them out. 

If you're on a diet (ha, aren't we all...) you can stop here. They taste just as delicious without the cream cheese frosting. 

But if you're like my family and "need" frosting... Continue reading...

PUMPKIN SPICE CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

1/2 cup unsalted butter: room temperature

8 oz pumpkin spice cream cheese: room temperature (I found this gem at ALDI's of all places!)

2 tsp vanilla extract (yes, I am a vanilla snob and I love this brand of vanilla)

4 cups powdered sugar

You can do this with a hand mixer, but my husband is Italian and comes from a long line of excellent cooks, so... We have kitchen appliances out the wa-zoo... No complaints here...

 Add cream cheese and butter to your mixer and pump up the speed to 8-9 until it is completely mixed. Slow the speed way down to a 2-3 and add your vanilla. Add powdered sugar in 1/2 cup increments (unless you enjoy cleaning up powdered sugar from your cabinets, counters, ears, hair... You get the picture. It MIGHT have happened when I first started cooking... Hypothetically of course) using the slowest speed. 

All that's left is a taste-tester... I have 3. And they all approved... Ok now FROST THOSE CUPCAKES!! And if you have extra graham cracker crust mix, sprinkle that on too. Tastes great. Oh, and it looks great too. 

This recipe makes 48 mini cupcakes. "But Becca," you say,"there are only 45 cupcakes.. Why is that?" Well, reader, this is because my husband is incapable of waiting to eat desserts. Yes, I realize he's complimenting my cooking skills, but damn it- it's infuriating sometimes. Ah, c'est la vie. 

Here's the finished result:

Crap, these things are addicting. At least now I have a "go-to" dessert for pretty much any occasion. I never believed pumpkin-flavored items should only be reserved for fall...

In case you want to print out this recipe, here it is in full:

Happy Harvest Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes with Graham Cracker Crust and Pumpkin Spice Frosting:

GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST: (oven at 300°)

7-8 CINNAMON graham crackers (go to Aldi's...it's $2 or less for a box)

6 Tbs unsalted butter: melted (I like challenger butter, but any unsalted butter will do)

1/4 cup sugar

Preheat oven. Blend graham crackers and sugar in a food processor until it resembles sand. Add melted butter slowly and pulse mixture (it will look and feel like brown sugar). Lightly butter the bottom of each muffin tin and spoon in mixture, making sure to press firmly. Bake for 6 min. Let cool. 

PUMPKIN SPICE CUPCAKE: (oven at 350°)

1 box spice cake mix

3 eggs

1 can pumpkin purée 

1/4 cup water

Preheat oven. In a medium-sized mixing bowl: beat eggs. Add water and beat again. Add pie filling and mix very well. Shake the cake mix before adding it to the bowl. Mix just until blended (batter will be slightly lumpy). Do not butter again. Spoon the cake mixture into the tins and fill to the top. Bake for 10 min. Let cool. Use toothpicks to get the muffins out. 

PUMPKIN SPICE CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

1/2 cup unsalted butter: room temperature

8 oz pumpkin spice cream cheese: room temperature (I found this gem at ALDI's of all places!)

2 tsp vanilla extract (yes, I am a vanilla snob and I love this brand of vanilla)

4 cups powdered sugar

In a stand mixer with the paddle attachment (or hand mixer), combine butter and cream cheese on medium-high setting. Slow speed to low and add vanilla. Once combined, add powdered sugar in 1/2 cup increments on low speed. Frost cupcakes. Top with left over graham cracker crust mixture. 

Plan on eating about 3 in one sitting and TALK about going to the gym later. The gym is a 12-step process and talking about it is step 1. Good luck ;)

Don't make me use my spatula.

*sigh*

If I could pick one power to have, I wouldn't waste it on flying or X-Ray vision. I mean, let's face it- with the way technology is advancing, we'll be able to do these things in my lifetime. No, I wouldn't want any super cool powers that might draw attention to myself... Instead, I'd like to be able to tell if a person is innately good or evil and be able to make them tell the truth. Just by looking at them too. I could walk on the sidewalk, look across the street at and see if the man and woman are just talking, or if something bad might happen. Then I could get help or carry on with my day... That is a super power I believe I could work with. 

I'm sure there are other, cooler super powers out there, but for now, I'd just like that one. I have trouble trusting people- mainly because I rely on my emotions to guide me through things. And sometimes, these female hormones are so cray-cray that my inner bitch comes out. It's weird how that happens too- like one minute, I'll be listening to this whole Michael Brown story about how he was innocent and what not... And I'll be so upset that the police officer would shoot a man (regardless of skin color) in the back for no reason... To being infuriated at the treatment of the County Police by the very citizens they are trying to protect along with these other Police units. And then, I forget that someone has died- and it might've been uncalled for. I mean, I wasn't there, YOU weren't there and we all know no one else is reporting the full truth. Oh sure, there are always people out there reporting things about the case, but I'm trying to remember that these people are also emotionally-speaking (uh, I don't really think that's a word, but I'm rolling with it)... Hmmm maybe I should just say acting on their emotions. Yeah, that sounds better. They are acting on their emotions and thinking how they can benefit from all of this. Really, that's the only reason I believe these looters are stealing. No other reason. It's insane- I do understand that Mr. Brown was seen moments before robbing a mini-mart, but to try and "avenge" him by breaking into said store and tearing it to pieces... I mean really- not necessary. The owner of that store did nothing to deserve that. None of these shop owners did anything wrong. And you know what, none of the police officers did either. I'm just going to throw it out there. 

I'm sick and tired of this being an attack on Police Officers. Yes, it hits close to home for me, but even if it didn't, I would still be appalled at their treatment. Obama should be more upset at the treatment of HIS government agencies than the fact that another black man was killed (we should stop here to take note that AMERICAN soldiers are dying everyday overseas, yet no one is rioting over that injustice... Nor does anyone seem to notice that African-Americans are not the lowest #-ed minority anymore and haven't been for a while- but that's all irrelevant I guess <FYI that honor goes to Asians, but I would also imagine American-Indians are there too... I just haven't found evidence from a census yet. I will though. Oh. I. Will.). *side note* I am firmly under the belief that Presidents should only be able to run for office if they have previously served in the military. End of discussion. Leading a country takes balls and, frankly, I just don't see that side of Obama right now. I'm hoping an Asian runs next. Lord knows their culture is dead set on hard work and no BS. Don't agree? Have you EVER walked into a Chinese restaurant and NOT known immediately what you wanted the minute the server comes to take your order? Complete chaos would arise. Why? Bc they are efficient and do not like to waste time unnecessarily. I like that. 

Ok, so as I'm getting super heated over another alleged race-issue on FB, I start feeling sick to my stomach. Like "I'm-about-to-throw-up-my-delicious-lunch-that-I-ate-4-hours-ago" sick. It wasn't pretty. I decided Facebook and I needed to take a break for the evening. 

I turned to Pinterest. 

You know what's funny about Pinterest? Every. Single. Mom. On. There. Is. SuperMom. Seriously. I looked at all of their fabulous meals and read about how they chop vegetables and get meals ready during nap time and all that jazz... And I'm over here about to cry because it's raining outside and I'm tired but my youngest refuses to nap. And never has it ever occurred to me to prep anything during nap time. When and if the baby sleeps... I sleep. Mama needs her sleep. For real. 

So, Pinterest made me feel worse bc my house looked like a freaking bomb went off, Gray would not stop trying to lick the linoleum floors and it was hurricane-ing outside. Which meant we were all stuck. Together. In our house. With no end in sight. 

I decided I needed to make comfort food. Luckily, I went to Aldi's for the first time today (not that I didn't want to go to Aldi's before now bc it was Aldi's, but more because I didn't want to go grocery shopping in general much less to TWO grocery stores... But I sucked it up. It smelled weird, but so does the commissary. I got great deals) and had some snack food for the boys to munch on while I determined what I was going to make. I decided on my own version of Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup. It was a success. Of course. 

I've had quite a few years to perfect my cooking and let me tell you, I wasn't always so awesome. My very first experience with cooking was a disaster. I was 18. I made hamburger helper. I thought I was "helping" out my mom. I wasn't. It was more like when a toddler tries to help with something you think they should be able to do. Then they accidentally rip open the bag of flour which scares them and makes them step back on top of the eggs- which break- before finally landing on the bread loaf thus making their help useless as you now have to put the groceries away, clean the floor AND clean the child. This is all hypothetical of course. My children would never do that. But I, on the other hand, was not very much help to my mom. In my defense, who the hell knows what it means to brown the meat?! It was my first time cooking, I did NOT have a phone with internet and our AOL was all the way upstairs and slow as fuck at dialing up. So yes, I cooked the hell out of that meat and then proceeded to scald the milk and have everything get stuck to the pan. My sisters will all agree that no one asked me to cook for a long time after that. I mean, the whole 3,000 sq ft house smelled like charred hamburger meat for weeks. Even though we tried to air it out. It. Was. Embarrassing. And I'll never be able to live it down. I had such a complex about it that when I would go over to my, now, MIL's house, I used to think she knew how bad I was at cooking because she never (and I mean NEVER) asked me to help her prepare meals...

Then, I got married and had a kid and now... I can cook (thanks, babe, you're the best SOUSchef I could ever ask for... And yeah, I know you're reading this. And laughing at me. It's ok, bc you were the one who got to marry this hot mess. Mwah!) 

I'm actually pretty deadly in the kitchen these days. In a good way. I made the BEST rainy night dinner and I completely made it up. Like "no-measurements" made it up. What can I say? I married into an Italian family. I'm awesome now. 

Here's my recipe (mainly so I don't forget...)

Rainy Day Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup w/Biscuits

Ingredients:

Chicken:

Boil (or poach) about 4 thawed chicken breasts (bone in rib meat... Mainly bc it's a lot cheaper than regular boneless, skinless chicken breasts, I like the flavor better and you're going to have to dice up the meat anyways) in a pot of water. It doesn't matter how much water you put in--- you're tossing it out later anyways. It'll take about 20 minutes to fully cook. Do this first bc it takes the longest and it'll give you time to start in the soup. 

Soup:

    1 can Cream of Golden Mushroom

    1 can Cream of Chicken

    4c water (or the equivalent in chicken STOCK)

    A couple heaping spoon-fills of Chicken Base (if not using chicken stock)

    Rosemary (little dash: I did a little "shake" with the jar... I guess it was 1/2 tsp)

    Thyme (around 1 tsp)

    Oregano (around 1-1/2 tsp)

    Onion salt (roughly 1 tsp... I would've used an onion, but I forgot to buy it)

Put everything in a different pot and bring to a hard boil. It'll take about 10 minutes. Use this time to chop vegetables... And preheat oven to 375°...

Vegetables:

     3 carrots (or a handful of baby carrots) chopped into 1/4 in slices

     3 stalks celery (use the leaves too... Thanks grandma, that was an excellent suggestion). Diced. 

     Handful of mushrooms. Diced. 

     1 can green beans. Drained. 

     1 can corn. Drained. 

Once the soup is boiling, add everything except the mushrooms. By this time, the chicken should be finished cooking. Pull it out and add 1/2 bag egg noodles to the same pot of boiling water... Hey. It's already boiling and the water tastes like chicken broth... So why not?! Cook for 5 minutes. Take this time to shred the chicken and remove any bones/gross parts (yeah, I'm picky.). Add the meat and 'shrooms to the soup. The oven should be preheated, so on with the biscuits. 

Super secret best biscuits recipe:

      Pillsbury...

Bake as directed ;) 

Once the noodles are finished, drain them and toss them in some olive oil. Add 1/2 cup Sour Cream -OR- Plain Greek Yogurt (it tastes the same to me) to the soup and shut off the heat. Once that is incorporated, add the noodles. 

Take the biscuits out of the oven when they are done and toss them into the soup. It's delicious. And... You're welcome. Just don't try and eat anything before I'm 100% finished with it or you'll get a "love-tap" from my spatula. 

Surviving St. Louis

I've never been great at keeping my opinions to myself and I am super thankful Facebook was not invented when I was young and dumb (for anyone who cares, FB became available in 2004 for college students. I was a college student in 2004. I was no longer young and dumb. That ended September 25, 2003 when I turned 18. FYI) I once read a quote (and forgive me if you've already heard me say this once or twice) that basically says, "if you can't say something nice, at least make it memorable". And you know what? I agree with that. For the most part. 

I'll admit: I have word-vomited my way into some sticky situations, but for the most part, I'm able to control my filter. For the most part. 

These riots in Missouri are ridiculous and out of hand. With new evidence coming up daily, who are we to trust? The media? Seems they are having a bit of word-vomit going on themselves these days. The police? Hmmm... I'm afraid that some government agencies would rather make County Cops out to be little pansies than an actual authoritative figures amongst all this chaos. The Black Panthers/ KKK (and yup, I'm grouping these together. I feel like both parties are out of control A-holes who are s**t-disturbers, but that is just my opinion. I will gladly take heat for my beliefs)? Puh-lease! Each group preaches about racial superiority under the pretense of equality through the use of peaceful protests. Yeah... I'll just skip over that part. It touches a nerve I'm not too proud of these days. 

So, the world is getting to know good ole STL. Awesome. Living in AL and watching these events take place from afar is very different than I would've imagined. Watching CNN and MSNBC make it out like every single town in the mid-eastern part of the state is in chaos. Complete anarchy. Damn you, news team. Damn you. 

So this weekend, I drove to Saint Louis. I left my children home alone with my husband for the first time. Ever. Yes, I know, he's fully capable of handling his own flesh and blood, but I was still nervous. I expected phone calls every hour and a couple middle of the night phone calls. I honestly cannot even begin to tell you all the anxiety I was feeling because it did not show up until I crossed over into Tennessee. Like literally, there's a big Welcome sign as you're crossing the border. What you don't see is the little "*" that is right after Tennessee Welcomes You... The asterisk clearly states, in Times New Roman font (probably size 10 or smaller), "...and your hidden anxieties...Mwahahahahahahah" and, I started panicking. 

Did I leave my family with enough food? (Uh, no, I did not. I did this on purpose so my husband would appreciate going to the store with two crabby children and making it out alive, but just barely)

Did I write out their schedules for Friday? (Yes, thank God)

Did I write out instructions on the freezer meals I made? (Yes, I'm awesome)

Did I hang the laundry? (No... But I wanted to see if he would do that. I really wasn't holding my breath... Just... Hoping...)

Dear god, did I leave the car seats?!?! (Yeah, I pulled over to look in the back seat. For the millionth time. No car seats. Phew!)

And then, STL happened. 

I thought for sure when I crossed over the bridge in downtown STL at 12:30am that I would see riots everywhere. I mean, the media had me scared for my life. And as I was clutching my bottle of Raid (yes, embarrassing, but per my friend, it shoots farther than mace and does more damage. <inserting my evil laugh>), I began to look around. Like REALLY look around. It looked like the same old St. Louis I had always known. As I drove through Clayton, Chesterfield and finally through to St. Charles, I thought the same thing, "Where. Is. Everybody?"  I mean, I have no death wishes nor do I have any type of personal vendetta against anyone, but I thought for sure I'd at least see a bunch of police vehicles and ambulances blocking a road or two. Nope. Nothing. I actually didn't even see a police car anywhere. And I was looking. (And for the record, don't bitch about how cops are never there when you need them but are capable of pulling you over to ticket you. Don't break the law and you won't get pulled over. Period.) So, I made it to my destination and passed the eff out. It was 1am and I had been up for quite a while already that day. 

I don't remember what I dreamt about, but, darn it, I woke up at SIX FREAKING O'CLOCK in the morning. Say it with me now, "What. The. Fuh." I was in a completely dark room, without children and my internal alarm clock decided to go off. It was some sort of sick joke God had played on me for thinking all of St. Louis county was erupting in flames I guess. Simple mistake, on my part. So, I took a Melatonin and went back to bed until 9:45. Phew. Then I met up with Ryan. 

Do you ever have that friend that you've always viewed as a family member? Well, this is Ryan. My husband and I (and I say I loosely bc I had my own place) lived with him for a couple years in college. He is our "brother" (I'm sorry, I'm laughing now because I just said that like Ben Stiller from the movie Zoolander... "And I don't mean like an actual brother, but the way black people say it. Which is more meaningful I think..." Oh crap, I love that movie. I hope I can keep myself from quoting it some more. Sorry in advance) and well, to be frank, my husband and I live vicariously through Ryan lol. Maybe some day (after I've written my autobiography about this blog), I'll write about Ryan's life. It's hilarious. Ah, I should probably tell some stories, but I will refrain. This weekend is a girl's weekend and not about Ryan's back stories ;)

So I am doing some design work for Ryan and we met up to make improvements. It was fun. We spent a record-holding time of 5-hours at El Maguey. It was epic. I am sure when my husband gets back to STL he and Ryan will obviously try and beat that time. Obviously. 

I also met up with some of my relatives. If you don't remember, I called my 90-yr old Great aunt at the beginning of the week and she was under the impression I was my younger sister, MiMi. Well, she was still under that impression when I called to tell her I, Becca, was picking her up. Then, she actually called my sister at 5:30 when I, again- BECCA-, was sitting in some traffic, wondering where she, MiMi, was... *sigh* so then I, becca, have to call Aunt Mary back and pretend I, becca, talked to MiMi about tonight and how she, MiMi, got called into work so I, Becca, was coming to pick her, Mary, up. Confused yet? Don't worry, so am I. Well, I surprised my Great Aunt by having some more relatives meet up with us at Applebee's. The whole time everyone is saying how great it was that I, Becca, organized this and how we need to do it again. We laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our face. I would tell stories, but sometimes, it's all about the Jewish accent and mannerisms while telling the stories. I could never do them justice. Anywho, as I'm taking my Great aunt back to her house, she tells me how great it was that MiMi organized this whole she-bang (my word, not hers) and how upset she was that my sister could not even be there to enjoy it... Oh well, I didn't do it to be recognized for my efforts lol. It was fun and I look forward to being senile- turning old friends into new ones every single day ;) I'm ready for it. 

Ok, now the reason I was in STL was not for Ryan or the riots, though both are interesting and important and not even to have dinner with my relatives- though it is always a great time. The real reason I was in town, solo, was for my sister's bachelorette party. Yes, that time in every young bride-to-be's life where it's viewed as funny when people say things like, "you're getting married?! Don't do it!" "Suck for a buck? Hell yeah!" (<--- yeah... It's for a Dum-Dum/ Blow Pop) "want to do a blow job with me?" (<--- *rolling my eyes) it was a super fun night last night but man, I'm getting old. 

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from yesterday morning. 

For starters, we thought it would be a fantastic idea to take a pole dancing class. If you've never taken a pole dancing class, it is NOT like Hollywood movies.

                                 It. Is. A. Work. Out. 

We put on high heels and red lipstick and thought, "um yeah, totally ready to be freaking amazing at this". Ah, how naïve we were. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun and we all felt pretty good about our skill levels, but I had back sweat. Pretty much got that after we started the class. We also all retained some form of "pole-kisses"... Mine happened to be a cut on my ankle & thigh, a friend had HUGE bruises on her shin and everyone else's legs and arms felt like jello from using them so much. I decided right then and there that I just worked off my alcohol for the night. Total win-win. 

Next on the list: shopping. Before we could go to the mall, we needed to be dropped off at my dad's house. It was raining cats and dogs... And apparently bird poop too. There we all were, sitting in the car laughing about how much our muscles ached and how strippers really deserved more credit, when all-of-a-sudden, SMACK! Something nailed the side of the car. It seriously looked like someone had thrown mud at the window. Hard. Upon closer examination (and by that I mean we all looked at the window and then at each other) we determined this "mud splatter" to be bird poop. Clearly, the bird was probably dead or dying, lying in a ditch somewhere- bc no animal could've shit that much and still be alive. Luckily, like I said- it was raining pretty good. I hope all that poop got off the car without any scrubbing. So... We switched vehicles and went to the mall. 

I have mom clothes. I have accepted this. So, we went shopping for something to make my apparent "mom-ness" less noticeable. We met up with my best friend and her little boy. He missed his nap. And now, normally, I'm totally cool with seeing other people's kids cry. In my mind I'm just thanking the sweet little 6 pound 7 ounce baby Jesus that it's not my child who's throwing a tantrum. It wasn't a full out tantrum, but more like an "I'm tired and my mom is a complete fun-sucker and making me sit in this damned stroller so I can't climb out and ruin the shoe display" type of tantrum. But yesterday, it bothered me. It made me miss my boys. I was actually doing so well (I thought). My husband had only texted me briefly about how Gray has had 5 poop diapers so far. And instead of being concerned for my baby's hydration levels, I was extatic that my husband had to change not one but five poopy diapers. It was just... Uh... Great. I'm twisted. I know. The baby is fine. The husband is traumatized. It's all good. 

Now, I'm missing my boys. With babies on the brain, I see a "friend" who just had an adorable little baby girl and I wave to her. I cannot wait to ask her about mommy-hood and how the baby is doing. She hasn't acknowledged me so I wave a little more, thinking maybe she doesn't see me... As we get closer though, I realize, "wait, maybe that's not her"... As my hand is still in the air... We make eye contact. I can't even pretend to be waving to someone behind her because there WASN'T anyone behind her. So, I did what any smart woman would do: I pretended to adjust my ponytail holder and kept walking like she was the odd man out. It was still super awkward. But successful. My BFF and sister are laughing. A-holes. 

So, my best friend decides her little guy has suffered enough torture for one shopping trip and leaves. My sister and I shop, eat, see a woman throw up her meal (as we are leaving the food court-- mom side of me kicked in and I started to walk over to her to help, but then it remembered smelling vomit makes me want to vomit. So we continued walking), see a lot of very strange people, shop some more and decided on an outfit for her to wear to her bachelorette party. Hurray! We also decided that we are not officially too old to shop in the junior section of any store. It was just weird. We got that "you're good looking, but way too old to be shopping in this part" look from some high schoolers. Awkward. 

I didn't find anything to wear. Oh well. I have some dresses. Nothing sexy or risqué, but still- I'm a mom and married to a Marine... That in itself is the very definition of sexy. Duh. We get to the hotel to unload everything and LO-and-behold... A sexy dress... And it's MiMi's... And it fits me. Sweet. 

I am not going to tell you everything that went down at the bachelorette party bc, and let's face it, "what happens at the bachelorette party, stays at the bachelorette party". I'll give you the highlights and a quick recap:

Van picks us up:

-spill beer all over the seat within the first 30 seconds of being inside

-someone makes a racial slur while telling a joke... And our driver was that same race

Hamburger Mary's:

-drag show... No one has any $1 bills... They work for tips

-the best line from the evening was coined by one of the performers "you know, if a bunch of guys can dress up and look this good, there's no excuse to ever see an ugly woman"

-met a 94-yr old Queen who looked like Isthma (spelling?) from Emperor's New Groove. (She was super nice)

-bachelorette gets wasted, orders a round of shots for everyone, aunt says she's picking up the tab, realizes how expensive it is and collects money from everyone (*hilariously laughing at this point*)

Bar Hopping:

-it's raining so we go to BallPark Village

-lots of line = keep losing members of our group 

-get told That more people would hit on me if I would just smile bc I look too intimidating... Smh (bc my goal in life is to get hit on by weird men... Riiiiiiiiight...)

-realized the bar scene is no longer for me... Which means I'm now "officially" as old as my parents

-saw a girl I used to coach in gymnastics. Drinking. She's 22. Omg. I. Am. Old. Again. 

-2 girls in our party are walking with eachother, see a guy they both know and awkwardly say hi. As they are walking away, one says to the other (and I kid you not), "did you have sex with him?" To which the other girl replies, "uhhhhhhhh...yeah" and then the first girl says, "yeah, me too"

Hotel Room:

-drunk tears

-the drunks pass out

-the drunks start to snore

-I was NOT drunk. I was not passed out. I could not sleep because of the snoring. 

I drove home this morning. In rain. But I'm home. My boys missed me but everyone survived. There was no dinner made for me when I got home. No laundry was done. The laundry I left was still on the hangers in the laundry room and not put away. But everyone was fed and bathed. So now here I am. Tired. More tired than before I left. There will come a time when I am not tired. I look forward to that day. For now, though, I need to sleep. I am on pins and needles while these riots are going on and affecting my family so I do not think sleep is in my near future. 

Please keep Missourians in your thoughts and prayers. The protestors are peacefully protesting, the police officers are trying to protect those not involved and also themselves and businesses, but they can only do so much. Please try and remember that the media has a way of spinning stories and, while one story holds true today, another one has the potential to come out tomorrow that could disprove everything. Keep an open mind and don't point fingers just yet. Gosh, that's easier said than done.